Whew. This is the last week of my CW-dominated group of shows! Come next week, I’ll have Heroes and The Officeto add to my arsenal. I’ve also been playing around with the idea of an occasional On Demand feature, where I recap episodes (most likely old ones) of shows I catch on my beloved Comcast On Demand. Seriously, I don’t know how I ever lived without On Demand before. The two I’ve been thinking about mainly are Entourage and True Blood. What are y’all’s thoughts on this? Yea or Nay?
Monday, 9/15
Gossip Girl – 2.3 “The Dark Night”
I’ve been slowly but surely convincing everyone around me to watch this show. It started with just me, my roommate Lex, and a few close friends around here. Suddenly I’ve gotten my friends in DC and even several co-workers in on the sheer brilliant, vapid, twisted glory that is this show. I will stick by my earlier statement: If you don’t watch this show, then you probably should.
So this week, the tension in the main relationships that has been building since this season’s kick off kind of explodes, all thanks to a city wide blackout. It’s funny how no electricity can suddenly make the whole world go to hell. To get the idiocy out of the way, I’ll start with Dan & Serena. Despite the fact that they’re making out (and sexin’ each other up) everywhere in public, these two are supposedly “secretly” back together. That is, until someone spots them making out in public again and sends the evidence to Gossip Girl. PWNED! The UES teens that read GG regularly (read: all UES teens) are split between whether they’re happy or disgusted by this reunion. Blair, unsurprisingly, doesn’t approve, and makes a great point to Serena: they broke up for very real reasons in the first place, and if they try to get back together without discussing and working out said problems, then they’re just fooling themselves. Serena gets huffy at that answer, ’cause she knows Blair’s right. Serena and Dan make plans to go to Blair’s Back to School party together, and end up in the elevator in the palace hotel when the power goes out. Meaning they’re stuck in a confined space together in the dark and now FORCED TO DISCUSS THEIR PROBLEMS. Cue suspenseful music! They kind of talk, but mostly bicker and argue and get nowhere productive, as neither is willing to compromise anything. They come to an impasse: Serena can’t help that her family’s rich and she lives a charmed life, despite how “normal” she tries to be, and Dan can’t help judging her for it and being a self-righteous dickhead. Therefore, they decide to end things once and for all. Fuckin’ FINALLY!
On to the other more interesting characters and completely fucked up plot lines! Blair’s running around this whole episode planning her Back to School party, scheming with the Duchess, judging Dan & Serena, and trying to get Marcus to sex her up. Marcus says he wants to wait until the time is right, and calls her a “delicate flower,” which most likely brings up memories of Nate for Blair — she constantly threw herself at him and was turned down time and time again. In the end, it’s Chuck that gets to her .. in more ways than one. Our boy Chuck has been having a hard time (ahem) getting his engine going for anyone but Blair. Being the resident promiscuous sexual deviant, Chuck’s never had this problem before, and tells Serena, when she asks, that he’s been trying EVERYTHING. He thinks all he needs is to sleep with Blair one more time to get his mojo going again, causing Serena to refer to Blair as his “sexual Drano.” Blah! Therefore, when the lights go out (cue that hit Five song from the late ’90s — BABY WHEN THE LIIIGHTSSSS GO OUTT), Chuck approaches Blair, whispers his sweet nothings in her ear, and attempts to seduce her. His plan almost works, but she’s not ready to give in yet. She goes to Marcus and tells him to meet her upstairs. Come on Blair, you’re trying to do it during one of your parties again? That didn’t work for you & Nate during the pilot, and it’s not going to work now. She waits in her room in the dark, and someone comes in. It’s Chuck and not Marcus, which I’m sure Blair realizes. However, she gives in ’cause she can use the dark as her excuse for not knowing who was who. But come on, you know she knows! She uses the excuse on Marcus when he inevitably comes up and catches Blair & Chuck about to do the freaky-naughty. Marcus gets huffy, Blair tells him she actually wants HIM, they kiss, and Chuck loses his mojo once again. Sigh. Poor Chuck.
The most twisted plot line of all in this episode once again goes to our friend Nate Archibald. He’s still literally sleeping with Cougar Duchess Catherine for money to help get his family with frozen accounts out of trouble. HOWEVER, he still has feelings for hipster-girl Vanessa, and finds himself wanting to end things with Catherine and get back with someone his own age. Catherine, being the psycho control-freak that she is, is not having any of that. She follows Nate (naturally), finds out that he’s been seeing Vanessa, and plots (with Blair’s help) out ways to get Vanessa out of the picture and keep Nate in her vicious talons forever. The shit goes down for these three at Blair’s party. While Blair’s upstairs gettin’ freaky with Chuck-who-she-may-or-may-not-think-is-Marcus, both Vanessa and Catherine show up to the party. Nate gets wigged that she showed up, ’cause he knows (he just KNOWS) that Blair & Catherine cooked up some evil scheme to send Vanessa crying back to Brooklyn. Nate ends up spilling EVERYTHING (about his dad being in Dominica, his family’s money problems, his current male prostitution situation) to Vanessa and tells him he wants to be with her. Catherine then finds Vanessa and tells her that if she (Vanessa) doesn’t get out of the picture and leave Nate alone, she (Catherine) will tell the feds where Nate’s dad is hiding. In order to not fuck Nate’s family over, Vanessa leaves the party ans goes crying back to Brooklyn, just like Catherine had intended. As can be expected, Nate is confused and broody about the whole situation.
Litte Jenny is in this episode, as well, but … well, I find it so hard to care about her. She ends up insulting Blair’s mother and then making friends with her again in the dark confines of the Eleanor Waldorf Designs studio. Meh. Call me when Little J gets crazy again! [Images]
The Hills – 4.6 “You Always Miss a Best Friend”
Sigh. Here we go again. The drama this week involves Heidi’s sister Holly and Lauren. See, this episode is one of those that still has been believing that a Heidi/Lauren reunion is on its way soon. I mean, what’s the point of all these episodes of Lauren and Heidi telling other people vaguely about how they miss each others’ friendship? Then again … What’s the point of this whole show in general?
So Holly is still living with Heidi and Spencer (much to Spencer’s shrimpy chagrin — seriously, when Spencer grows his patchy blond beard out, he looks like a freakin’ prawn. Not cute, Heidi. Not at all.), and mentions how she doesn’t know anyone in the city except them & Lauren. Spencer gets all twitchy in the ass at the mention of Lauren’s name, and Holly doesn’t seem to give a damn. Go on, Holly! Holly goes on to text message Lauren and ask her if she wants to go out to lunch/brunch/dinner/some random ass meal. They end up getting together and staring at each other for long periods of time and talking about how fun life used to be before Heidi turned plastic and Spencer’s big teeth ruined everyone’s fun. As the episode goes on, Heidi and Lauren continue talking to others about how good things used to be; Heidi secretly wishes that having Holly around now will help fix things with Lauren. Sweetie, the only way you can ever redeem yourself in Lauren’s eyes is if you dump Spencer and spend the next decade up Lauren’s ass and talking about what an awful person you are. If there’s something Lauren Conrad loves, it’s a freakin’ suck up.
In other drama, Audrina and her friends at Epic Records use the show as a means to promote The White Tie Affair, a completely mediocre band. There’s some sort of party and then an after party that Justin Bobby was suppose to come to, but didn’t. Audrina’s hurt. Lo’s pleased. Meh. [Image]
Tuesday, 9/16
90210 – 1.4 “The Bubble”
You know, I started out liking Shenae Grimes. Sure, her character on Degrassi was hypocritical and a self-destructive mess after awhile, but I rooted for her all the while! And when I heard she was moving from Canadian to American TV, I was super excited. I mean, she’s gorgeous and plays a fucked up teenager really, really well. HOWEVER, the current buzz on Perez Hilton about her being a complete diva on set combined with criticisms of her skeletal body and paparazzi shots of her chain smoking are making me change my mind about her. Pull your shit together, Shenae! Your show’s not doing as well as you think, so you don’t have the right to be pulling stunts like this!
Back in Yawnsville 90210, Spring Awakening the musical the West Beverly High drama department is putting on, is in need of a new director, as the last one left for some reason I can’t quite recall. Who volunteers to fill the role? None other than my favorite character whom I lovingly refer to as Slutty-Alcoholic-Grandma. Except she ends up being an awful director who is OMG PICKING ON ANNIE. So Principal Wilson (aka Dad) steps in and appoints our favorite Brenda Walsh as the director instead. Brenda ends up being the cat’s pajamas as the director, so everyone’s happy. Speaking of Brenda, though, there’s some minor drama brewing between her & Kelly (woo!) regarding a certain adorkable English teacher named Ryan Matthew. Kelly and Ryan have been dating, only Kelly’s kind of sort of not that into him; she’s clearly holding a candle for someone else. In a completely high-school move, which is ironic because they’re high school teachers, Ryan asks Brenda what the deal is with Miss Frigid, Guarded Kelly. Brenda spills that Kelly’s stuck on her son’s baby-daddy. When Kelly finds out Brenda talked to Ryan, Kelly’s not a happy camper at all. And then — dun dun DUN — we find out that DYLAN (aka Luke Perry) is the father of Kelly’s baby. Except it’s a bit anticlimactic, ’cause Luke Perry keeps telling the press that he won’t appear in the new show. Pssh, what else do you have going on, Luke?
Now that Ethan and Naomi have broken up, Annie tries to make a play for Ethan. Has anyone else noticed how square his head is? And how tiny his mouth is? Something is just off about that guy, and I can’t quite put my finger on it. Annie blows off Ty (who is going to turn out to be gay, I predict it right now) for Ethan, only to get stood up by Ethan later. Ty sees her at the Peach Pit getting stood up and is totally not at all sorry for her. Annie apologizes to Ty by making cookies for him (seriously? SERIOUSLY??) and then they make out in the hallway. Hmm. Meanwhile, Dixon, pulling a Brandon Walsh, gets a job at the Peach Pit to pay for a new side mirror for some rich kid’s car that he jacked up. It’s a very Full-House-esque plot line, as Dixon got the job ’cause he knew his family was having money problems. It’s sweet of him and all, but .. ehhh, it’s been done before. Kind of weak, guys. But he & Silver are getting closer, which is so, so cute. I love Silver & Dixon together!
Now on to freakin’ Naomi. The OMG moment of this episode occurred when she found out that the woman her dad’s been seeing for the past several years has now moved into the family’s beach house in Malibu. Naomi goes to see this woman to tell her to get out of her family’s life, and learns this and goes apeshit. Well .. Not quite apeshit. She goes and cries to Ethan and then tells her mom, who kind of loses it. Hey, remember when her mom told us she had a son with Daddy Wilson and then no one ever mentioned it again? That’s kind of my problem with this show so far. They bring up these plot points just for shock value (like the whole unknown illegitimate son thing from the pilot) and then don’t ever address them again. Come on, your characters are supposed to be tortured and messed up! Take notes from the school of Schwartz/Savage, Darren Star! So … yeah. Kind of disappointing. Once again. [Image]
Wednesday, 9/17
America’s Next Top Model – 11.4 “You’re Beautiful, Now Change”
Ah yes, it’s my favorite time in Top Model land — makeover time! Last season, Tyra stared doing this thing where she decided on a girl’s look and then refused to tell them what kind of hair they’re going to get. They have to sit in the chair and cannot look in the mirror until everything’s all done … Kind of cruel, but I guess I can see why she does it. First of all, it creates some nice suspense for the girls, which is interesting to watch, but also it cuts down on the big, whining bitchfits that have been thrown in the past. While those are also entertaining to watch, I can see how annoying they are on Tyra’s end. By just giving them hair and not telling them, you’re not even opening up any possibility for negotiation — she’s essentially staking her claim on their hair and stamping her big fierce stamp of Tyra approval. It’s kind of cruel, but so, so very Tyra.
So what kinds of makeovers do we get, then? Analeigh went blond, Brittany kept her color but got long extensions, Clark (hiss!) went dark, dark brown and got some extensions, Elina got RED WEAVE (they curled it right when she got it, making her look exactly like Carrot Top. It was heinous in the salon, but has since become quite nice on her, so I like it), Hannah got her hair cut exactly like a 9-year-old — chin-length with straight bangs, Isis got long weave, as did Joslyn, Lauren Brie went even blonder, Marjorie kept her short pixie cut but went a nice chestnut brown, McKey went got her hair cut exactly like Pete Wentz (short, black, angular … I’m not really a fan), Sheena got blond & brown highlights, thus making her look less like Kimora Lee Simmons, and Samantha went short, angular and very, very blond, which looks good on her. Not much drama here, really … Elina was upset about her Carrot Top weave at first, as I would have been too, but she ended up coping well. Samantha cried when they cut her ponytail off, but she pulled it together in the end, as well. Good job, ladies!
The drama this week? Kind of weak, but I suppose it’s worthy of talking about, nonetheless. Fresh out of their makeovers, Brittany, Elina, Joslyn and perhaps someone else were laying around in their rooms shootin’ the shit. Brittany and Joslyn talk about something involving their moms, in which Elina interjects, “I hate my mom.” Brittany and Joslyn (but mostly Brittany, as Joslyn is not exactly capable of being stank as Brittany, let’s be honest) look as her is she just spoke Cantonese. They can’t quite comprehend how anyone could hate their mother. Elina goes on to explain that her mother was never a mother to her and she never had that nurturing relationship that society tells you you should have, but Brittany’s having none of it. She proceeds to judge Elina for her poor relationship with her mother, and they argue about it for awhile. Honestly, it’s one of those pointless arguments that won’t go anywhere and no one could possibly win. How are you going to argue with someone else about their perceptions about their family life? I mean, really? Can you not just accept, Brittany, that not everyone’s relationship with their family is as peachy-keen as yours? Pfffft.
The photo shoot for the week was a swimsuits-on-the-beach shot, inspired by Tyra’s jaunts in the Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit issue. The pictures were all gorgeous, but Isis, Brittany, Analeigh, and Hannah all struggled. Isis was worried about being in a swimsuit, naturally, and Brittany could seem to grasp the “walk like you would normally walk” concept and kept doing this contrived, slow-mo, posey walk. Hannah just looked straight up psycho in her picture, and Analeigh looked a little lost. Elina’s (which is shown at the top) was GORGEOUS, proving that she can rock that Carrot Top ‘do like it’s nobody’s business. In the end, Brittany and Analeigh were in the bottom two, with Brittany being sent home for “resting on pretty.” Woo! No more Brittany! Now all we need is for Hannah and Clark to go home and I’ll be happy. [Image]
Project Runway – 5.10 “Transformation”
Makeovers were the name of the game this day, apparently. Fresh off of the ANTM Makeover episode, our favorite PR designers are charged with the task of taking six recent college graduates and giving them makeovers to be ready for the professional world in their field of choice. Sweet! Hey, I’m a (fairly) recent college grad .. When was this application process to be a part of this show? This is trickery! Hook a sister up, Heidi Klum! The catch, however, is the the girls’ mothers will be present, so the designer has to please both the 20-something female and her mother. Hmm … Reminds me of last seasons prom dress challenge, but turned up a few notches. ‘Cause there’s definitely two ways this can go — the recent grad in question is scared of the “real world” (as I was/still am) and leans on mom for all the answers OR the recent grad is all set to completely independent (esp. financially) from mom and doesn’t want her involved at all. Surprisingly, I didn’t see that much of that dichotomy here … Verrry interesting.
Can I just take a minute to point out that Leanne looks like a Dr. Seuss character? Something about her nose & mouth just SCREAMS, “I’m Cindy Lou Who from Whoville!” to me. Am I alone in this? Anyone? Bueller? … Alright, moving on. Kenley (vomit) gets paired with a mini-Kenley, which, unfortunately, worked in Kenley’s advantage. Her client is Anna, an assistant accessories buyer or some shit. Korto gets Megan, who’s unsure about grad school or med school. Jerrell is with Caitlin, who is thinking either teacher or artist’s assistant and wants to go for androgynous. Leanne gets stuck with the difficult client this go-round and is with Holly, the teacher who wants to look “older.” Suede gets Avital, the photographer. And last but not least (or .. well yeah, he’s least ’cause he ends up getting auf’d .. Spoiler alert!) Joe gets Laura, who went to school for graphic design but does not yet have a job.
Kenley’s outfit is cute (gag), but predictable, as she makes another ’50s inspired foofy dress. Anna, who loves vintage (remember what I said about mini-Kenley? Yeah, totally true), naturally loves the dress. Joe decides to make a suit for Laura, which proves that he’s sadly equated “professional” with suit. Giving her something to wear on interviews was a good idea in theory, but I think the suit itself was poorly executed and she just looked plain uncomfortable in it. Jerrell’s outfit is seriously perfect for Caitlin; he achieves professional without going the Joe route of stereotypical. Caitlin’s in a pencil skirt, a slighly ruffly, embellished blouse, and an over-sized cardigan to top it all off. It sounds rather heinous when described like this, but you have to see it on her — it works. Suede’s outfit? Doesn’t work. The judges said his purple printed dress and brown ruffly blazer looked dated and I definitely have to agree. I could have bought that entire outfit on the Dillard’s sales rack back in high school. No go, Suede. Korto’s green wrap dress and brown burlap-lookin’ blazer definitely work for Megan; plus, Megan’s new hair truly achieve the transformation they were looking for. Leanne’s dress (minus the boxy jacket over it) was cute from the get-go, but Holly and her mother hated the first version. Poor Cindy Lou Who therefore had to reconfigure the dress to make them happy. I didn’t really see what was wrong with it the first time, but hey, that’s just me. Holly and her mom were happy the second time around, which is good; clients not being happy doesn’t typically bode well for the designer, and I so want either Jerrell or Leanne to win.
The Kenley stank moment of the episode came ON THE FREAKING RUNWAY. When Heidi and her band of judges were lambasting either Joe or Suede (can’t remember which one), Kenley broke out in a fit of cunty giggles. Her little mini-me, who is obviously so deluded as to think Kenley is anything but a complete tool, broke out into giggles as well. I mean, come on, Kenley, use your fucking brain! Remove your head from your ass for once and try to be at least a little more self aware so that you can see that you’re coming off to your fellow designers, the judges, and the viewing public as a smug asshat. And nobody likes a smug asshat Kenley, no matter how much red lipstick or how many kick ponytails you wear. Nobody.
In the end, Joe and his Nancy Regan business suit were sent home. Meaning we’re going to suffer another week of Kill Me Kenley and Suede talking in third person. Super! [Image]
